Dharma Talk: Judging Others

June 6th, 2010: Rev. Hae Kyong

The Dharma talk began with two readings: Chapter 14 from the Dhamapada "The Buddha" and "See the moon forget the pointing finger" from "Swampland Flowers: The Letters and Lectures of Zen Master TA HUI"

"As many of you know I have daughters, and to tell this story I am going to change their names.
I am riding in the car with my wife and daughter "X". Daughter "X" begins complain about Daughter "Y’s" boyfriend choices. Daughter "X" says Daughter "Y" shouldn’t go out with said boyfriend because he has no ambition he doesn’t want to go to college and make something of himself. He’s just a loser she said.

At this point I interject: It’s not nice to judge others maybe he’s happy with his life the way it is. Besides (to steal a line from Venerable Hae Doh) it’s easy to see the twig in someone else’s eye while missing the log in your own.

This conversation reminded me of a conversation I had with a store owner Ernie of Ernie’s Market who by the way makes the best sandwiches in the area 8500 Capital in Oak Park. Go there you won’t be sorry.  I use to live down the block from his store and sometimes went there on Saturday to get an ice cold 40oz Miller High Life the "Champagne of Beers" from his old fashion walk in cooler.

Ernie is a true Bodhisattva who loves everyone. But one day I walked in to find him truly miffed by a customer he had just encountered. I don’t remember all the details because it was 20 years ago. But the gist of it was the customer (I believe he was a city worker) told Ernie that "yes his job might suck, but at least he made more money than Ernie". Ernie’s comment to me was “when did money become the yard stick by which we measure a man?”

More recently I was speaking with a co-worker who was telling me that her brother-in-law was very successful (meaning he had a lot of money), then continued on to tell me how he was a big jerk and treated her sister like crap. So how is that successful?

We all have our own criteria with which we judge success and failure. We judge others with these criteria in order to boost our own ego. We try to make ourselves feel better by casting dispersions on others. We all do it myself included.

I’m always up here telling you all to practice patience to avoid anger. Yet just last week I exploded in anger because I judged a relatives behavior as unacceptable. I couldn’t contain my anger and try as I might I’m still carrying the anger with me. The Buddha said getting angry at someone is like picking up a piece of hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You will also be burnt. I can definitely attest to that fact.

The reality is when you get old (like Ven. Hae Doh) you can look back on your life and realize that in your life and everyone else’s as well there is a time when we were winners and there was a time when we were losers there was a time we did the right thing and a the times we still suffer because we did the wrong thing. Some how those wrong things seem to jump out like a sore thumb.

Do the best you can and hope you don’t get judged to harshly for it later.